Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
