i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
