she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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