I got chris browned last night
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
