idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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