Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
