But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
