I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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