pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
