i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
