you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
