i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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