I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
