Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
