Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
