Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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