it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
