I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
