I need help removing her.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
