Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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