If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
