Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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