okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
