TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
