dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
