Who did Billy Mays play for?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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