My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just invented taco cereal.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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