Sponge bath it is.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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