Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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