nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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