I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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