he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
