I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
