In the future we'll all be gay
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
