i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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