i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
