I feel like abortions should bother me more
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
