quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
