the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Say something about gay babies.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
