Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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