i was born a porn star she said
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
