you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need to calm my uterus...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
