We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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