Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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