i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
