Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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