Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
