oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
