he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
