I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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