Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
