dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
