Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
